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Report on Your Take on Crushes and Relationships!
Smart girls decide for themselves™.
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We posted a Quick Poll a few months back that revealed that SmartGirls enjoy surveys about love and relationships the most, so we followed that up with this survey! We wanted to make sure anyone who wanted could take this survey, whether they were in a relationship or not, so many of the questions ask you for your preferences and opinions about relationships and crushes. Read on to find out what SmartGirls think about this crazy little thing called love. :)
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Let's quickly recap who took this survey. We had 321 people respond; 303 girls, 13 boys and 5 people who didn't specify. We had more oldest children (122) respond than anyone else, though we had plenty of youngest children too (102)! And the ages of our respondents were pretty typical of SmartGirl surveys. Take a look at this graph to see how ages were spread out:
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| How old are you? |
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| We had more 13 year olds take this survey than any other age! |
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And our respondents were from all over. People took our survey in Germany, the Phillippines, the U.S., New Zealand, Singapore, the United Arab Emirates, Lebanon, Ireland and Haiti, just to name a few. And most respondents said they are from towns or suburbs, with big cities coming in third. Finally, our survey takers are from many different racial/ethnic backgrounds. Take a look at this graph:
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| What is your racial/ethnic background? |
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| More people said they are of European descent than any other background, though we had many people of African and Asian descent as well. |
To get things started, we asked about your current relationship status. Here's what we found out:
206 of you said you're single.
56 said you're not in an official relationship, but you have something going on with someone. (Or what we like to call "it's complicated.")
38 of you said you're in a relationship and have been for awhile.
And 20 of you said you are in a newer relationship.
We followed that up with a question about what you'd like your relationship status to be at present. This is what you told us:
53 of you want to be single.
40 of you want to be in an unofficial relationship with someone.
132 of you want to be in a long-term relationship with someone.
95 of you would like to be in a new relationship with someone.
There are some differences in those numbers. What do you think? That might be something worth investigating in a SmartGirl survey project. But before that, take a peek at this pie graph to see what SmartGirls think in comparison to their friends.
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| About how many of your friends are in relationships right now? |
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| It looks like the majority of you have a few friends or some friends who are in relationships currently. |
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Sometimes you guys write in to the SmartCenter talking about how you feel you have to be in a relationship or you feel like the people around you expect you to be in a relationship. We were wondering if this is a feeling shared by many SmartGirls, so we asked the following question:
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| On a scale of one to ten (one being no pressure at all and ten being lots of pressure), how much pressure do you feel to be in a relationship? |
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| That's great. It looks like many SmartGirl don't feel pressured to be in a relationship. |
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You know who we're talking about. That special someone who gets your heart beating faster, who makes you get that nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach, your crush! Having a crush can be a lot of fun, but it can also be hard when you want to let that person know how about your feelings. We asked SmartGirls what you do to let your crushes know you're interested. We found out that many SmartGirls either talk to that person more than they usually would and smile and make eye contact more than usual (164 of you said you do these things). After that, flirting seems a pretty popular way - 137 of you told us you flirt with your crush to communicate your interest. Some of you take other routes: 61 of you said you give that person compliments that you normally wouldn't, 45 of you turn to your friends for help and ask a friend to let your crush know how you feel, and 56 very brave SmartGirls told us you just tell him or her how you feel. Finally, 60 of you don't do anything - you want your crush to come to you first. Very interesting!
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Now that we know how you let your crush know you're pretty into him or her, let's look at who you're wanting to start relationships with. We started out with a pretty simple fill in the blank:
"I would prefer to start a relationship with..."
Someone I am friends with but not very close with (125 of you chose this option)
Someone I am already close friends with (120 of you selected this option)
Someone I am acquainted with but don't really know at all (58 of you chose this answer)
Someone I don't know but who my friends set me up with (12 of you said this is what you prefer)
Let's say you start a relationship with that special someone. Once you start your relationship, how much time do you want to spend with that person? According to the answers we got, it looks like you guys want to spend lots of time with her or him. One hundred seventy-two of you would want to see your significant other both at school and outside of school during the week and on the weekend, 69 of you would like to see him or her outside of school but only on the weekends, 61 of you would want to see your boyfriend/girlfriend only at school, and 11 of you would like to see her or him outside of school but only during the week. Since our results show that SmartGirls want to spend plenty of time with their girlfriends/boyfriends, the next question follows naturally!
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| On a scale of one to ten (one being very easy), how difficult do you think it is for people your age to manage a relationship on top of school and any extracurricular activities or jobs? |
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| Your answers look like they are pretty spread out. |
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Once you get together with someone, what keeps you together? How committed are you to your relationship? We thought these might be interesting questions to explore, so we asked a few questions about commitment. Check out the first one in this table:
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| How important do you think it is to stay committed to a significant other? |
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count | percent |
commitment
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| really |
208 | 66.03 |
| somewhat |
89 | 28.25 |
| not very |
14 | 4.44 |
| not |
4 | 1.27 |
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| Almost all of you believe it is really important or somewhat important to stay committed in relationships. |
We know now that almost all SmartGirls see commitment as important to a relationship, so what exactly does that mean? What can or can't you do when you're in a committed relationship? We gave a fill in the blank:
"When in a committed relationship, I think it's okay to..."
Talk to someone else you may be interested in (192 of you think this is a-okay!)
Hug someone else you may be interested in (76 of you think this is just fine)
Flirt with someone else you don't have feelings for (54 of you see no problem with this)
Hold hands with someone else (20 of you are okay with this)
Tell someone else that you have feelings for them (20 of you are okay with this too!)
Flirt with someone else you do have feelings for (17 of you believe this is alright)
Kiss someone else (6 of you feel this is okay)
It looks like some SmartGirls don't really agree on what is okay behavior when you're in a committed relationship, but at least we have an idea of what you think is okay and what isn't. So onto our next question: what do you think you would do if you found out your significant other had cheated on you? We learned that 176 of you would would listen to his or her explanation of what happened and then decide what to do from there, 72 of you would break up with him or her immediately, 12 of you would stay with him or her, but only if he or she apologized and promised never to do it again, and 4 of you would stay with him or her regardless. Finally, 48 of you told us that you really don't know what you would do.
And our final question about commitment, though this one takes a slightly different angle. Let's say you like someone who is committed already. What would you do if you found out your crush was taken?
121 of you would try to find out if it's a serious relationship, and if so, you would move on.
75 of you said no matter how serious their relationship, you would wait for him or her until they break up.
62 of you were a little more impatient. You said you would probably pursue him or her if they broke up soon, but you wouldn't wait around if something better came along.
39 of you said you'd tell him or her about your romantic feelings and let him or her decide what to do.
14 of you were the most impatient of all. You said you wouldn't tell him or her about your feelings but you would try to break up their relationship.
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What do you think? Do guys and gals have different takes on relationships? Does one sex place more stock in relationships than the other? We asked what you think. This pie chart shows what some may consider very surprising results.
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| "I think relationships are more important to girls than to boys." |
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| This pie chart shows that almost 3/4 of SmartGirls believe (to some degree) that girls place more importance on relationships than boys. |
Relationships are all around us - we see them depicted on TV and in movies, in books and magazines we read, and we see the people around us engaged in them. With all this exposure to relationships, it's possible to see what works in a relationship and what doesn't. We asked you what you think a successful relationship depends on. Here's the list:
Honesty (271 of you told us this is important)
A lot of communication (253 of you said this is key)
Being good friends (217 of you feel this is integral)
Not flirting or being romantic with someone else (199 of you said this is integral, too)
Spending time together outside of school (167 of you believe this helps)
Telling each other everything (133 of you feel this is important)
Your parents approving of the relationship (120 of you marked this as essential)
Liking each others' friends (107 of you said this is vital)
Spending a lot of time together in school (85 of you feel this is key)
Your friends approving of the relationship (82 of you chose this as significant)
Giving each other gifts (22 of you feel this helps!)
And 30 of you gave other answers, including trust and showing affection for your significant other.
Where do you see relationships that have these characteristics? Take a look at this table to find out:
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| Where do you usually see examples of what you would consider a good relationship? |
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count | percent |
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examples
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| grandparents |
61 | 7.2 |
| parents |
121 | 14.29 |
| sibling |
55 | 6.49 |
| fam |
79 | 9.33 |
| friend |
142 | 16.77 |
| fr_parents |
53 | 6.26 |
| books |
139 | 16.41 |
| movie |
142 | 16.77 |
| celebrities |
40 | 4.72 |
| other |
15 | 1.77 |
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| It looks like many of you see examples of good relationships all around you - from parents' relationships to friends' relationships to relationships you read about it books and see in movies! |
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And one last question along this line of questions. We were curious who you seek crush or relationship advice from. Are they the same people you see in good, healthy relationships? (That might make an interesting SmartGirl project!) Take a look at this table to see who you consult when you need someone else's input.
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| Who do you go to for relationship or crush advice? |
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count | percent |
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advice
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| brother |
14 | 2.57 |
| friends |
267 | 49.08 |
| sister |
61 | 11.21 |
| dad |
14 | 2.57 |
| mom |
63 | 11.58 |
| other fam |
49 | 9.01 |
| counselor |
15 | 2.76 |
| teacher |
6 | 1.1 |
| mentor |
24 | 4.41 |
| written advice |
12 | 2.21 |
| No one |
7 | 1.29 |
| self |
4 | 0.74 |
| other |
8 | 1.47 |
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| Friends definitely won here! More of you ask friends for crush or relationship advice than anyone (or anything) else. |
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That big four letter word, the foundation of many, many relationships. After all this talk about relationships, we thought we'd get right down to it. We asked:
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| Have you ever been in love? |
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| About half of SmartGirls have been in love, whereas about a quarter think they may have been but aren't sure, and another quarter don't think they have been. |
Some of you said yes, some of you said no, and some of you weren't quite sure what it was you were feeling!
It's one thing to be in love. It's another thing to have the guts to let someone know. We asked if you had ever said "I love you" to someone in a romantic way. This pie chart shows the results:
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| Have you ever said to someone "I love you" in a romantic way? |
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| Less than half of you have ever told a special someone you love them romantically. |
And finally, our last question. Anyone could answer this - whether you're in a relationship or not. We asked, "What would you or do you expect from your significant other?" Many SmartGirls responded. Here's what some of you wrote:
"Honesty and kindness and NOT TO BE PUT ME IN BAD SITUATIONS - or going too fast when he and I know I'm not ready."
"I would expect honesty, loyalty, and if it's possible to still have a friendship after the break up."
"I have never had a boyfriend or kissed or held hands with anyone either and I don't think I'm quite ready yet anyway. I don't mind being single, because right now that's what's best for me. But of course I have crushes, just none that I'm ready to do anything about. But if I had a boyfriend I'd expect him to be honest and reliable. I'd want him to accept me for who I am and for both of us to be able to be ourselves around each other. That would be nice."
"I would expect us just to be cool with one another. Like best friends but with a few dashes of romance."
"I would expect my significant other to be patient with my flaws (because I am human!). It would be nice if they could surprise me occasionally, too, with a romantic gesture or a unique Homecoming invitation. I also expect myself to enjoy my time around them most of the time, and for them to feel the same. Awkward moments of self-conscious uncertainty are annoying to deal with."
"I would expect him to be a great guy in all. He should be "well groomed" in my opinion, but smart in different ways. He doesn't need to be a super genius, but should have good taste in things, including clothes and other things, like scent, and hygeine. He doesn't have to be the best looking guy, but he should be attracted to me, as do I. We should like each other for who we are and tell each other not everything, but a lot of things. He needs to be honest and athletic for me. Not exactly a romantic, so he can show any side of him to me. All sides to be even greater. I love it when a guy speaks to me looking me in the eye."
"They have to be easy going, and have a good humor. They can't be controlling or want to be with me 24/7. They must be understanding, accepting, and willing to adapt and compromise. They must be kind, intelligent, helpful, and not obsessed with work/sports. They can't be addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, or anything like that. They MUST NOT have any anger issues, and they must be willing to work things out peacefully and forgive/forget."
"I would expect my boyfriend not to flirt too much with other girls, and mostly I would want to be honest and open with him, and want him to respect me, and me to respect him."
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Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts
with us!
Please remember that all web-based polls
are not scientific because the pollsters cannot randomly select the
respondents to participate in the surveys.
All our surveys are anonymous; check out our privacy
policy. All data copyright 1996-2007.
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