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Results for 05/03/2007 to 05/18/2007
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Last week, khriztyne said:
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"Always Second Best
My best friend is also my competition. Everyone compares us. She's been through a lot and has remained strong, so everyone thinks she's an inspiration and compliments her. I can't help but feel insecure and jealous. I keep hearing, "why are you being so mean," "when she grows up she's going to be stronger then you," "you're such a spoiled brat". I just don't feel I measure up. I know you're not supposed to care what other people think of you, but it is so hard."
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Do you need advice on an issue? Other SmartGirls can
help! Submit your issue to SmartGirl.
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209 SmartGirls replied:
| 14% |
It is really tough to be compared to others, especially when we are being compared to our best friend! Confront the people who are making those comparisons and tell them how badly it makes you feel. If they love and care about you, they will stop comparing you to others and appreciate you for who you are! |
| 10% |
Give yourself permission to forget about what other people say about you! Dig down deep and remember the things that you love about yourself. You are a strong, confident and kind person. And if others don't see that, then they don't know the real you! |
| 11% |
Jealousy and insecurity are common emotions to have when we feel like we have to compete against someone so close to us. But in the end, your best friend will always understand you. Why not talk to her about how you are feeling? She may even offer you the love, support and advice you need to get through this. |
| 5% |
Sometimes talking directly to the people who are hurting us is hard to do, especially when a best friend is involved. Find friends who haven't been comparing you to others. They will appreciate you as you are and will be there to remind you what a wonderful person you are! |
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60% gave other responses. Some SmartGirls said:
I understand how this feels. You need to maybe focus on what kind of person you are. Not how good you are compared to her. She's not better than you, just different. Make sure along the way you care about other people, but don't listen them when they put you down. There's a difference between caring about what people think of you, and genuinely caring about the people themselves. Everyone is different, and just because she's been through a hard time and remained strong doesn't mean she's better than you. As we get older there are lots of challenges and everyone is strong in their own way. You're only ever second best because you allow yourself to be. I think you need to stop seeing you friend as competition, that isn't what friends are for, you're both two different people who both have good qualities. Maybe when you begin to see her as your friend and yourself as an individual, then everything will be OK. If people compare you both, and say you aren't as good, you shouldn't listen to them. Their clearly just trying to upset you, and frankly there's no need, so, try telling them how this makes you feel and if they don't stop, ignore them or don't hang around with them anymore, who needs friends like that?? Don't feel jealous of you friend, just be her friend, and be you, I promise sooner or later everyone will begin to see how cool you are, and hopefully won't keep saying your not as good as your friend, because you are as good. Well when people say that to you then they should know that it hurts your feelings! Tell your best friend this and see what she says. If she's your real best friend then she will stand up for you and tell them that you're as good as anyone else. And you should tell them that they should like you who you are and stop comparing you and your best friend. I mean you're both equals! You both have the privilege to be yourself.
Thanks to all of you that gave your advice! Please give your
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