| |
|
Results for 09/12/2005 to 09/21/2005
|
Last week, *_*_* said:
|
"America Girl
I was friends with this girl Adele - not best friends but friends. When we moved to Comp, me and my best friend were put in a class with Adele, and the three of us got really close. But then she moved 13 hours away to America. We email each other every week but she always talks about her new friends, and on her website she didn't mention any of us from the UK. Me and my best friend really miss her and she's changed a lot."
|
Do you need advice on an issue? Other SmartGirls can
help! Submit your issue to SmartGirl.
|
162 SmartGirls replied:
| 21% |
Talk to Adele about what has been going on, since she can only fix the problem if she knows about it. Try telling her how put out you felt when she didn't include you on her website, and then let her know how much you two miss her and still want to be part of her life. Tell her that you support her new life completely but that you don't want her to forget her old one. |
| 23% |
It's hard when friends move away, but you have to remember that Adele has been put in a completely new situation - so making friends and doing things in America are probably exciting for her and she just wants to share that excitement with you. Keep supporting her new endeavors and new friendships. Confronting her about it will likely only push her away. |
| 9% |
Confronting Adele about her new ways might be a good way to lose a friend, but that doesn't mean you can't show her how much you care. Make a care package with your friend and send it to Adele. Inside, include things Adele likes and a framed photo of the three of you to remind her how much you miss her. That way, she'll get the message that you still love her but won't get defensive. |
| 7% |
Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that people change, especially when they find themselves in new situations. If talking to Adele is so painful, then maybe it's time to stop emailing her and find a new friend. Perhaps she'll get the message when she stops getting yours. |
|
|
40% gave other responses. Some SmartGirls said:
The thing is do you want her to be miserable miles away in her new home? If you were in her shoes, would you want to be desperately emailing your old friends because you have no new friends? Think how Adele feels. It's right for her to make new friends and move on. Of course you'll still be precious to her, but she has to have a life of her own in America. Stay in touch with her though as you were good friends for a reason. :) I understand that you and your friend really miss Adele but you have to accept the fact that Adele is moving on. She probably really misses you but she has made new friends. I felt the same when me and mate Dobson left each other to go to Secondary School. We were best mates for around 5 years! It was painful to leave him, but now I've made new mates and I have moved on and maybe you should too. Try making new friends; you'll feel a lot better. You can still keep in contact with Adele, but try not to think about her too much. Lots of love and hugs and all the best of luck, Maz XXxxXX I just moved to a new city and my best friend and I send each other care packages every month. We send out things like pictures, books, loan movies, candy and jewelry. Do something like that. If you're worried about having to send a whole package every month to a different country, try every other month. You should also be happy that she's making friends in her new country. That means she won't be lonely or bored. What I do with one of my other friends since I moved is send a letter. Then she can reply and then the letter chain goes on and on. Try something like that. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing - after all, you still have your other friends, and it is nice to have pen-friends that you don't have to be too close to. Enjoy your friendship, and maybe one day, when you're older, you'll meet up and chat about how things used to be... the more you've both changed, the more fun it will be! Honestly, it'll be fun! Maybe you should tell your friend that you feel left out and you wish she'd include you, and ask her if she ever tells her new friends about you. She might understand. I moved away from my friends and made new ones, and I always talk about my old friends to my new ones and my new ones to my old ones. I love all of them; she probably misses you a lot too. Your friend has moved somewhere different so you are going to be put in the dark for a little bit until she is fully settled. I am sure you are not forgotten. Give her time and wait until she has been there for a while. If she is still ignoring you and keeping you in the dark, then confront her about this. If she is forgetting you then you start to forget her. Remember...you always have your other friend...make some more friends and explore people. You'll soon realise that two can play that game! Chin up! x Talk to Adele about your school and things that she knows about. She should get the message that you aren't just interested in her new life. If that doesn't work, explain to her gently that although her new friends sound great, you still want to talk about things that wholly interest you too. Good luck!! It's really hard to keep up long distance friendships, as I have found out. But don't worry, although you miss her right now, you'll soon get over her. So why don't you just concentrate on being best friends to each other, instead of getting sad about a friend who is 13 hours away?Everyone's got to move on, so maybe this is the time to do it. Sorry for such a harsh truth. :( Good luck! Just share the excitement in a way. Feel sad that she has moved but happy that she is having a good time. Feel it all at once. Start doing the same thing to her. I know it's hard but it'll make her realize how she's acting. After a while stop this, and when you think she's got the message have a long talk with her. I think Adele may just be trying to fit into her new country and is happy to have made new friends. Besides, wouldn't we all feel the same if we were in her situation and had to leave our friends behind? Just give her time, she'll sort herself out. If not remind her that "it's good to make new friends but don't forget your old ones."
Thanks to all of you that gave your advice! Please give your
advice for this week's issue.
|
The advice represented on this page is the opinion of SmartGirl
users who have responded to last week's Issue of the Week. It is not the
opinion of SmartGirl.org or the University of Michigan.
|
|
