| |
|
Results for 06/23/2005 to 06/30/2005
|
Last week, Kailey said:
|
"To Find My Parents or Not?
When I was born my real parents decided to give me up for adoption. My sister was the same way, only her mom put her up through a private adoption. This way she could pick the parents and still see her baby girl. I am really jealous of my sister at the holidays because she can see her mom. I love the parents I have with all of my heart. I just feel as I get older that there is a part of me missing. My friends thought I should find my parents when I turned 16. I want to but I am scared. What if they put me up for adoption for a reason? What if they didn't want me to find them or know them? I don't know if I should find them or not."
|
Do you need advice on an issue? Other SmartGirls can
help! Submit your issue to SmartGirl.
|
247 SmartGirls replied:
| 30% |
Before you decide to look for your birth parents, you should talk to your adoptive parents about what you want to do. Don't forget about their feelings in your desire to begin a quest for your birth parents. It sounds like your adoptive parents have raised you, cared for you and loved you since you were born and they might feel put out by your desire to find your birth parents. You owe it to your adoptive parents to talk with them about what you plan to do before you do it. |
| 17% |
You should definitely try to find your birth parents. They are obviously a huge part of who you are and you deserve to know who you came from and what your family history is. Not only will you discover a whole new chapter of your life, but you might improve your relationship with your sister, as you won't feel as jealous of her anymore. |
| 6% |
Consider the position of your birth parents. Most people agree that putting a child up for adoption is a very stressful event, one that can take years to reconcile. Your birth parents have a life of their own now and your sudden appearance could change that life tremendously, especially if they have other children. Instead of simply jumping into their lives, have someone else contact them for you and ask if they would be interested in meeting you. If their answer is no, don't be offended. Just know that they are doing what they believe is right for themselves and their family. |
| 4% |
Don't attempt to find your birth parents. Enjoy and cherish the wonderful adoptive family that you have. They are your real family, so forget about the people who gave you up for adoption many years ago. If they had a specific reason for putting you up for adoption, it might be very upsetting for you to learn it. Just let life continue the way it has. Love the family you have and be thankful for them. |
|
|
43% gave other responses. Some SmartGirls said:
Go for it! I was adopted when I was 1 year old because my mom thought I was hard to take care of. When I was 15 I went looking for her. She turned out to be the best mom in the world and she loves me so much. I am now 20 and we are the closest any mother and daughter could ever be! You have a right to want to get in touch with your birth parents. You want to know why you were put up for adoption. You are very lucky you sound like you've been brought up by lovely adopted parents. If you don't get in touch with your adopted parents you'll never get the answers you've been wishing to ask. Go for it...get in touch with them and see if they want to get to know you. But there is a risk-- things don't always turn out happily and perfect. But you won't ever know if you don't try. You never know, they might have been even trying to track you down. Your an adult now. I know you must be scared I would be too if I was in your shoes. I wish you all the best. Good luck Kailey. From Kate age 15. If you want to find them, even just a little bit, do. You never know. You deserve to know your birth parents, but keep in mind, the result may not be what you expect. But keep your adoptive parents in mind. When you tell them you want to find them, tell them gently. My baby brother is adopted and I know that I would be heart broken if he wanted to look for his birth parents. But you should do whatever you feel is right. If you are determined to find your birth parents, take your adoptive parents' feelings into consideration too and discuss it with them. Good luck. Talk to your adoptive parents about it. I however think you shouldn't because if they really wanted you they wouldn't have given you up! But, they might have had no choice. Like I said, talk to your adoptive parents and see if they know why your real parents gave you up. That way if they do, you won't get hurt or dissapointed. If they don't I think finding them is your choice and no one else's. Only you can choose. Explain to your adoptive parents how you feel. Talk things through and get their opinion on the matter. The final decission is up to you but you have to ask yourself are you prepared for the worst if you do find your parents. I'm sure it wasn't because there was something wrong with you, parents give their kids up for adoption for many reasons-financial difficulties, too young or fear of being a single parents. And perhaps they weren't aware of private adoption or it was too costly for them, they may have just wanted to give you a better life. Good luck!! Hey Kailey I knew a person in your position. She loved her adoptive parents but wanted to meet her real ones. She managed to, but it didn't work out. She couldn't really forgive them for giving her away and she found the experience upsetting and wished she hadn't done it. I'm not saying don't, I'm just saying think carefully before you make a choice you may regret. Your adoptive parents sound lovely so I would just feel lucky you have them. good luck~ Ami x
Thanks to all of you that gave your advice! Please give your
advice for this week's issue.
|
The advice represented on this page is the opinion of SmartGirl
users who have responded to last week's Issue of the Week. It is not the
opinion of SmartGirl.org or the University of Michigan.
|
|
