| |
|
Results for 06/01/2005 to 06/17/2005
|
Last week, Katie said:
|
"Peacemaker
I am part of a trio of friends. We get along really well, but lately the other two have been quarrelling a lot. Last week they had a really big row, and now they aren't speaking to each other. Now, here's the real problem: I used to walk home with both of them after school, but now they told me that I could only be friends with one of them. I told them that I'm tired of their quarrelling and that I want to be friends with both of them. Now they aren't talking to me, and it's not my fault--I tried to repair their fight without hurting one or the other. WHAT SHOULD I DO????"
|
Do you need advice on an issue? Other SmartGirls can
help! Submit your issue to SmartGirl.
|
484 SmartGirls replied:
| 1% |
Talk to your friends separately and tell each that you've chosen to be friends with her alone. It may be quite a stressful juggling act, but at least you'll still be able to spend time with both of them. |
| 45% |
You need to sit down and talk with both of your friends. Tell them that their friendships mean a lot to you, and that it's not fair for them to make you choose between both of them. If they are true friends, they will try resolving the situation in one way or another. |
| 5% |
If they are going to act that way, the best thing to do is ignore them and walk home by yourself. Maybe once they see that they've pushed you away, they'll feel sorry and ask for your forgiveness. |
| 6% |
Maintain your relationship with each of them without getting in the middle of their fight. Walk with one of your friends on some days, and your other friend on other days. Leave them to work out their problems on their own. |
|
|
43% gave other responses. Some SmartGirls said:
Maybe you chould write them both a letter saying you're sorry and you want to stop fighting. Make little gifts to go along with the letters and set it on their desks when they aren't looking. It could end the whole problem. Good Luck!! ; - ) Jillybean (fellow smartgirl) Tell them that just because they are fighting, you shouldn't have to get into it. This has happened to me before, and I know, it really is a horrible situation your friends have put you in. Say to them, "I'm not getting in the middle of it. You are both my friends and I care about you both very much, but you are NOT going to make me choose," and then don't walk home with either of them. It might not be as fun, but until they sort things out, picking sides is going to get really ugly, really fast. -it wouldn't be a bad idea to try and figure out why they're arguing so much, and try to help fix it. Dear Katie, Gimme a break! Your friends shouldn't be asking you to hurt the other person by choosing. Here's what I'd do: I would tell each person that this isn't my quarrel, and that I'm still their friend. And then- walk home by myself until they make up. I used to be stuck in the middle too, and I know how awful it can be. Send them both e-mails telling them how you feel. Toss in a line or two to the effect of, "Okay, well if you are going to treat me like this, you aren't very good friends. I am really sick of all this fighting and until you figure out a way to make things work so I can be friends with both of you I'm not going to be friends with either of you." If you think that will just make matters worse then you can just ignore my advice. Hope this helps! Good luck! smileyrat093 Tell them that if they are your real friends they would understand that you can't chose between them. If they get mad, let them cool-off for a while. You'll be all back together if your friendship was a real one. Otherwise move on. Set up a date. Invite them both, but don't tell the other one that the other one is coming. When they come over, tell them off. Tell them how you feel. Put them in their places. Your the PEACEMAKER right? Now play that part! Dreamgirl Sit down either with both of your friends or one of a time, tell them how much they mean to you as a friend and the qualities you like about each one, but let them know that this fight is between them and they need to work it out if indeed they are true friends, but until they do, you refuse to choose between them, so don't choose any until they have resolved their conflict Talk it out with them. It's not okay, or right for a friend to tell you you can't be friends with somebody, they don't own you, whether they're your "friend" or not. Tell them that they need to talk it out with each other, because you really don't want to be caught in the middle, but if they just don't want to resolve the problem, and they still want you to choose, then I'm sorry, but maybe they're not the people you should be hanging out with. Say "I don't want to be friends with just one of you, I like you both equally, and I don't want to hurt the other. So, you leave me with no choice, I can't be a friend to either of you anymore." Your friends should respect your feelings, tell them you're not taking sides and that THEY should respect your opinion. Then maybe stay away for a while until it all cools off. Wow! You have had a rough time. This happened to me as well. I told them that if they wanted to be my friend and if they really were my friends, they would sort it out. Oh poor you! The best thing to do in a situation like this is to talk to your friends about what's going on. You have to make them listen. If they refuse to go near each other than invite them both to your house but at different times. Then they have no choice! This would probably work! Good Luck Katie. *Biker Dude* Do what I would do.
Tell them that you will
not take sides and refuse
to be apart of this until
they can forgive each other.
Because true friends
don't drag you into
their personal lives and
don't force you to take sides.
Advice wiz, Sherrill
Thanks to all of you that gave your advice! Please give your
advice for this week's issue.
|
The advice represented on this page is the opinion of SmartGirl
users who have responded to last week's Issue of the Week. It is not the
opinion of SmartGirl.org or the University of Michigan.
|
|
