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Results for 10/11/2004 to 10/18/2004
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Last week, Charlotte said:
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"I can't stand my brother's girlfriend!
I can't get on with my brother's girlfriend at all. I have three older brothers and I have been fine with all their girlfriends apart from this one. It's so difficult because she doesn't actually do anything to me, but every little thing she does really gets on my nerves. I feel like I can't be myself whenever she's there and I feel like she's always judging me. She also 'sucks up' to my family all the time and I sometimes feel that they like her more than they like me! She makes me feel like she has a perfect little world with my brother and that I am just a selfish, greedy, 'stuck-up' person. My parents are aware of this but nothing is being done about it. All my brothers have now moved out, and my parents think it's because he was the last one of them to go, but I'm not so sure. I always feel soooo jealous of her, as she makes out that everything is always perfect for her. It's driving me crazy and I don't want to sound too 'over-the-top' with all this, but it's starting to make me really depressed and I'm worried she's going to steal my whole family away from me. Just recently, I bought an album which cost me #15 and my brother came around yesterday and asked if he could borrow it for his girlfriend so that he could copy it. This got me really angry because it cost me money, and now she's getting it for free! It's all the little things that are adding up, and that last situation just did it for me, and now I can't sleep at night because I get so angry. I really don't know what to do, and would be really grateful for your help because I feel like I've got nowhere to turn to. Sorry it's so long, but I really need your help!"
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Do you need advice on an issue? Other SmartGirls can
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242 SmartGirls replied:
| 9% |
Try to avoid her as much as possible, but don't be too obvious about it or your brother may get upset. However, it would be worse if you were to continue on as you have been and risk blowing up at her one day. Hopefully, your brother will see through her soon and call it quits. |
| 14% |
As difficult as it may be, you will have to learn to accept your brother's girlfriend. Otherwise, you could end up hurting your brother or pushing him away and even closer to her. |
| 9% |
Be sickeningly nice to her. This way, your family will be happy that you seem to be getting along, she won't be able to find fault with your behavior, and you can try to out do her at her own game. |
| 13% |
Force yourself to spend time with her and get to know her better. There must be something good about her for your brother to care about her so much. Maybe her behavior is due to an insecurity or other personal issue. Find out for sure before you write her off completely. |
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55% gave other responses. Some SmartGirls said:
Whoa! You are FREAKING OUT! RELAX! You are being WAY to harsh on the gal! Try to make a nice list about her. The more you start adding to the list, the better the situation will get. Sooner or later you are going to have to deal with it. Have you ever tried talking to her? Have you ever said something like "Your shirt is so cute!" or "I like this band, how about you?" Try to get on level ground with her. Stop worrying about you and your family. She's not going to steal your family from you. And if it's starting to make you depressed. Talk to your family... talk to your brother. Better yet... talk to her. Good Luck. Sara Try to get to know her better. Ask her to go to the mall with you or somethin' like that. Who knows, you might end up understanding her and getting along with her. You also might feel jealous, especially since you're the only girl in the family, and now you feel like your brother's girlfriend means more to him than you do. But don't give up hope! I think the easiest way to deal with it would be to not hang around her as much as possible and when you want to spend time with your brother just ask him if you guys can hang out alone so he won't mistakingly bring his girlfriend with him and make you mad without even realizing it. Or you could maybe tell your brother that you don't really like his girlfriend so then he knows and then he'll know not to have her around you as much. Hope everything works out. I understand that you're upset, but I think it would help for you to take a step back and watch the way you act towards her and your brother. Would you allow a friend to copy your CD? Probably, and probably you are only holding back from doing something nice for her because you are feeling like she's intruding upon her life. You should know, no matter what, you are not going to ever lose your family to anyone. Your family's love is unconditional. So stop holding back, treat your brother's girlfriend like she is a guest of the family, be kind, and let your brother's relationship take its course. You don't want to push your brother away by being disrespectful to someone he cares about. Hiya Charlotte! You sound really upset and confused! You mentioned that you feel like you can't be yourself when she's around. Why is that so? Do you always feel on your guard whenever you see her? Just pretend she isn't there and be yourself. No one can really influence the way you are, except you. It's already branded into you. Let me tell you, no parents would prefer someone else's daughter over their own ones! Bring it up with your parents again and make sure something's done. Don't be jealous of her. It's not worth your while. Maybe, everything's going wrong and IS wrong at her home. She's not gonna steal your family away from you. No matter what, YOU ARE still part of the family. Just remember, NO ONE can change the way you already are, except you.
Thanks to all of you that gave your advice! Please give your
advice for this week's issue.
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The advice represented on this page is the opinion of SmartGirl
users who have responded to last week's Issue of the Week. It is not the
opinion of SmartGirl.org or the University of Michigan.
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