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Results for 03/10/2003 to 03/17/2003
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Last week, Madison said:
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"My Older Brothers
I have 3 older brothers. They are totally out of control. They give every guy I talk to the evil eye and I can't stand it. My brothers just don't want any guys to hurt me, but I think I can handle this. I don't need them to run my life. Every time I say anything to them, they say that I don't know what I am getting into. They said that if they ever found out I had a boyfriend then they would beat him up so badly that he wouldn't know what hit him. I just want some freedom, and I dont know how to get it! Please help!"
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Do you need advice on an issue? Other SmartGirls can
help! Submit your issue to SmartGirl.
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143 SmartGirls replied:
| 27% |
Tell your brothers that you appreciate them, but they need to back off. It's your life, and you need to live it! |
| 13% |
Talk to your parents about the way your brothers are acting. Although your brothers are trying to help, they are making your life miserable. Your parents might be able to intervene and help you out. |
| 14% |
Your brothers are just trying to make sure that you're careful. Try being friends with a boy before moving on to a romantic relationship. If your brothers see a guy as your friend first then they might not freak out about a romance! |
| 6% |
Your brothers are just being protective. Sometimes guys can be very mean, and your brothers just don't want to see you get hurt. They are boys so they know what boys are like. Listen to them! |
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40% gave other responses. Some SmartGirls said:
Dear Madison ~ Tell your brothers that you appreciate their concern, but not every guy is out to hurt you. Don't shut them out completely, but make sure that if you really need they're help you'll ask them for it. Madison ~ Why don't you tell someone who understands, like your mom. Let her talk to them. Also, talk to your brothers yourself and tell them that you are mature enough to date, and then promise them if you ever have a problem, you will go to them because you know they care! But remind that you need some freedom, too! Hello Madison ~ my brother is the same! Just remember that you are independent and should not feel intimidated by your brothers. Tell them that although you appreciate their concern that they should trust your judgment when you go out with a guy. Also your brothers may get over this phase. It is unlikely they will actually beat your boyfriend up. You never know, they may actually get on with him. Take care! Obviously the fact that you're younger, and especially a girl, gives your brothers the automatic assumption that their role is to protect you, and that is all they think they are doing by warning you about not dating. They aren't concerned with your feelings at that level, just your safety, and you should feel very loved that they care as much as they do. But what they are doing is hurting you in ways that they might not be aware of. Try talking to just one of them first (siblings usually tend to have one that they are closer to than the others) about the situation. If you can get him to understand how you feel chances are good that he'll be able to convince the other two better than you will be able to on your own. But remember, this isn't going to get them to back off totally, you're still their little sister, and the idea of another guy being responsible for you (like on a date) isn't one that they are going to automatically get used to. Be patient with them, and above all, take their opinions of the boys you date seriously. They are guys themselves and they'll know a jerk when they see one even if you can't. I have two brothers myself, so I know how protective they can be, but I also know how many times they've been right about telling me a guy was a loser, even before I could see it. Hang in there! Your brothers are only trying to help! ~ Audrey
Thanks to all of you that gave your advice! Please give your
advice for this week's issue.
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The advice represented on this page is the opinion of SmartGirl
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opinion of SmartGirl.org or the University of Michigan.
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