Each week, we select an issue that was submitted by a SmartGirl and post it as an Advice Poll. These are the results from one of our polls.
A SmartGirl submitted the following issue:
Is That Allowed?
Dating
My boyfriend commented on another girl's picture saying she looked as hot as ever. I don't know what to do about it. Should I confront him?
Taken, age 14
This chart shows how SmartGirls voted in the poll:
In these interesting results, "Dump Him" had the fewest votes. The most popular response was "Tell Him." Close behind, though, were "Stop Worrying!" and finally "Protect Yourself."
Some SmartGirls had more to say:
Is it ever OK to find other people attractive when you're already dating someone? Is that a sign that you don't really like the person you're with? How do you know when someone's just looking and when someone's heart is straying? Do you set "rules" for your relationships? Would you feel comfortable having "rules" for your friendships?
Thanks to all of you who gave your advice! Please give your advice for this week's issue.
We hope that by sharing these issues and SmartGirls' responses to them, we will help you think through your own issues and prepare for the future. In the end, it's your decision, so make the choice that's right for you! Good luck!
The advice represented on this page is the opinion of SmartGirl users who have responded to last week's Issue of the Week. It is not the opinion of SmartGirl.org or the University of Michigan.
Reading the Bar Graph:
To read the bar graph, match the height of each bar with the number on the left (y-axis). That's the number of people who chose that category. You can find the name of the category listed below each bar (x-axis). The title of the bar graph is the same as the title of the issue.
still in love,<'3, age 16, says:
Make sure you talk to him about it and how it makes you feel and if he can please stop doing it.
SGPM Katie, age 20, says:
That is extremely dis-respectful to you, if it was a celeb then that's not so bad as guys love their sexy models and celebs however commenting on another girl's picture when he's with you, is not nice at all. He's mean't to be dating you because he thinks your beautiful! I would confront him about it, tell him you feel, if he continues to do this I would steer clear, it will only cause you more heartache in the future and your find someone more mature and appreciates you for the who you are.
Chelsea V., age 17, says:
If it were me i would confront him, but keep in mind the fact that he is a young boy, who is still finding himself and likewise for you. There are plenty of other guys out there wait till you hit high school. Be open to suggestions, but if he is worth it then stay with him
Olivia, age 14, says:
Ask him about it. Ask him not to do that, if he ignores your request, talk to him about it, when it comes down to it, you have to make the choice.
Kiah, age 11, says:
Ask other people if they have seen him with another female...!
Tracie, age 16, says:
My advice--and I am a goddess to other people's problems, and I hope it works for you--is to tell him how you feel and that if he doesn't stop calling her hot or if he is flirting with her, to dump him. Be independent about it. Don't go, "but I thought it would be forever and ever," or "he was my everything." Girl, you are better than him, and don't, I repeat don't, put yourself out there for a total of 8 1/2 months.
Lizzy, age 14, says:
If this were me, I would confront him and then from there do what feels right!
Ian, age 19, says:
Dump him! He's 14 and just wants to get in yours or anyone's pants! Dump him!
Claire, age 13, says:
You should definitely ask hima bout it, but find a way to bring it up so that he doesn't sound offended that you were reading what he says. You need to find a way to communicate better with him by the sounds of it. Find out if he meant anything behind it and make your decision from there!
Tee, age 17, says:
If he mentions it more than once, then freak. If not, take a chill pill! Create some flirty banter. If he does it again, pick another guy and call him hot!
Hannah23, age 15, says:
Stop worrying too much about your boyfriend. Too much jealousy will end your relationship, and of course you don't want that to happen to you. Understand that the best thing you can do about your boy is trust. When he notices that you are not trusting him, your relationship with him will end!
Annita, age 16, says:
Tell him that this was very bad and that he let you down.
Tte, age 11, says:
Do it to one of his best mates' pics and see if he tells ya off. If he does, tell him that he did the same thing to you, and then walk out on him.
Gangsta Girl, age 10, says:
Tell him how you feel and maybe he'll understand.
Rane, age 8, says:
Girl you have to quiz him, but don't get too angry and make him run off! Ask him questions like "Do you like me more than her?" and "I don't like that. Tell me why you said that." Stuff like that. Now if he answers that he likes someone else, gently tell him that you are going to break up. Also tell him that if he answers the way you don't want him to, he should try to win her over.
Bryana, age 13, says:
Tell him the way it makes you feel and tell him that you don't feel comfortable with him doing that.
Person, age 10, says:
Okay, it may be strange that you're taking advice from a 10-year-old, but I'm actually somewhat good at it. Look at the picture. Is it a person you know? It could have been a celebrity. He could have been joking. You should probably ask him about this.
Hannah, age 11, says:
Yell at him!
Bella, age 15, says:
Just because he says a girl is hot doesn't mean he likes her more or instead of you. I highly doubt he likes her. If you see other guys that are hot, what do you do? You think they're hot of course! He was just saying what he was thinking, that's all.
Joy, age 14, says:
You know your boyfriend better than we do. If he's the shallow type who is always on the lookout for the next cutest thing, then I wouldn't get too attached to him. But if he only said it because you guys are close and trust each other enough to share your honest opinions around each other, then I wouldn't take it too seriously. It's natural to be a little jealous.
kmcc23, age 15, says:
Tell your boyfriend what you feel about what he said on another girl's picture. And if he really loves you and respects you, he will stop doing that so you won't feel uncomfortable. But if he doesn't listen to you and he thinks you're overreacting, don't get too serious in dating him. He may be just one of the jerks in this world.
Amber, age 14, says:
Scope out another guy and make him jealous.
Mayella, age 17, says:
I know that this is something I wouldn't be okay with my boyfriend doing. I also think you should find out as much as you can about why he did what he did. Ask calmly about it. Things are not always what they seem. But having said that, be sure to express that you are not OK with what he did. Remember that you are still young and have years of boyfriends and relationships ahead of you.
Michelle, age 24, says:
al, age 12, says:
Dude, tell him to stop in a nice way that gets across to him. If he keeps doing it, confront him. You told him once. You shouldn't have to say it again. That's disrespectful.