Each week, we select an issue that was submitted by a SmartGirl and post it as an Advice Poll. These are the results from one of our polls.
A SmartGirl submitted the following issue:
Can't I Sing?
Activities
My friends always say that I can't sing. When I got a solo in class, they said the teacher just felt sorry for me. What should I do?
Angel, age 11
SmartGirls voted on the following options:
This chart shows how SmartGirls voted in the poll:
This week, "Ignore It" was by far the most popular choice, which was twice as popular as the next most popular option, "Show Them Up." Close behind "Show Them Up," though, was "Change Your Friends." Very few SmartGirls chose "Change the Subject."
Some SmartGirls had more to say:
How can you tell if your friends are being jealous or just being mean? Is it mean to be jealous? When you're jealous of a friend who seems to have more success than you, how do you deal with those feelings? If you disagree with a teacher's choice for a special honor, what do you do? Is it ever good to be jealous? Why it better to ignore friends who are acting jealous than to just ditch them? What's the difference between ignoring rude comments and changing the subject?
Thanks to all of you who gave your advice! Please give your advice for this week's issue.
We hope that by sharing these issues and SmartGirls' responses to them, we will help you think through your own issues and prepare for the future. In the end, it's your decision, so make the choice that's right for you! Good luck!
The advice represented on this page is the opinion of SmartGirl users who have responded to last week's Issue of the Week. It is not the opinion of SmartGirl.org or the University of Michigan.
Reading the Bar Graph:
To read the bar graph, match the height of each bar with the number on the left (y-axis). That's the number of people who chose that category. You can find the name of the category listed below each bar (x-axis). The title of the bar graph is the same as the title of the issue.
Genelia, age 13, says:
I don't think that is true. It isn't like everyone got a solo. I promise you that a teacher wouldn't give you a solo just because she felt sorry for you. Shoot for your goals, girl!
Rach says:
I lost my friends recently and I have to tell you, it is hard, but I believe that it can be the best for you. Let them go and then show them up! (x Good luck, Sally!
Katie, age 15, says:
If they are really your friends then they'll tell you the truth, but they should not try to make you feel like you can't sing. You do what you enjoy doing, and if that is singing, then sing your heart out! Ignore what they say. They'll get over it...
Jocelyn, age 13, says:
Sing no matter what they say. I have a very dramatic voice and I sang a solo and people made fun of me, but later on I realized what a great singer I am. Also, if they think they can do better, ask them to sing a solo :)
Judy, age 15, says:
I've been there, too, but I simply say, "Can you sing better?" In my free time I work on my singing abilities. That worked and shut them up. Just work on your voice and you'll see the next time you're singing, they will be wowed. Also, tell them that they're only jealous because the teacher didn't pick them as the soloist. Stay positive! :) Love Judy
Bethany, age 10, says:
Ignore, but also tell them that you don't care what they think. I let my friend do that kind of stuff to me and I don't see them very often any more.
Elizabeth, age 12, says:
Tell them that if they can't be supportive, you can't be friends with them. They should be helping you! Can they sing any better? Try singing along with the radio while lying down. You use your diaphragm, so your voice sounds better.
Lucy, age 9, says:
WAAAIT. Did they get the solo? NOOO. Your voice may not be good to other people, so what? Be careful with what people say. If someone says, "Your music is horrible!" look them right in the eye and say, "I'm sorry, it's really not my fault."
Liz, age 13, says:
Ignore them! They are jealous. If you really were a bad singer, then how would you have gotten the solo? Trust me, teachers don't feel bad for you because you have a bad voice. If that was true that would be really embarrassing for her!
Taylor, age 12, says:
gurl who needs them u neva no they might be jealous i hate 2 sing in front of ppl cuz i think i stink at singing but my friends say i don't just do what you do and rock out
Amy, age 16, says:
If you know you can sing, then that's what matters. Maybe you should talk to your teacher and ask her opinion. Real friends would be supportive and not knock you down like that! You're only young yet. Your friends around you will change as you grow up. Sometimes people aren't what they appear to be. x
Kiah, age 12, says:
If they can't say nothing good about your singing, find new friends that can.
Issy, age 12, says:
You need to talk to your friends about their attitude. Something's up with them and you can't let it rest. Meanwhile, enjoy your singing and talk to other girls in your music class, too. The friends you have now definitely shouldn't be your only ones.
Anonymous says:
Either they're trying to be honest with you or they're too competitive in music. If so, try letting them know that you enjoy singing, and if they were your friends, they would support you and help you nail that solo.
Liz, age 12, says:
If they are putting you down, they really aren't your friends. Especially if they say that the teacher is sorry for you. If I were in your position, I would (a) ignore their negative comments, or (b) get new, much-more-positive friends.
Josh, age 18, says:
Hey, people say that too, but I give up. No, hun, if you're gonna wanna sing again, do it at the right place and time. Tell them nobody's perfect because I bet they can't even sing. All they can do is bring people down. So don't let them bring you down today, because you obviously are good or you wouldn't be singing right now, would you?
Tiara, age 13, says:
I think you really can sing. Do what's in your heart. I don't think the teacher is sorry for you. They are probably just jealous because you can sing better than they can.
Soph, age 14, says:
Confront them. Tell them you don't like what they're saying. No matter whether it's true or not, if they don't respect your feelings, they're not worthy of your friendship.
Anonymous says:
Girl don't listen to what they say. You are better than that. Since they're saying that, you should get new friends. I can understand. I've been bullied, too. Stay strong!
Deeeeeeee, age 12, says:
Ignore them! First off, if they're always discouraging you, then maybe they're not realy friends after all. But even if they're just trying to be helpful, don't let it get to you! Don't let them take away something you love!
Missy<3, age 12, says:
Don't worry, girl. I'm not showing off or anything, but I can sing. But I wouldn't make fun! Sing and sing. Don't give up! Practice and practice. You can do it! Hope I helped!
Yara, age 10, says:
Tell them, "This is the best I can do. Everybody has a talent."
Eve, age 13, says:
Your so-called Friends are obviously not your true friends. True friends would be there for you and support you, so if you like singing, then you keep singing, and sing louder! Also, teachers don't do that. Believe me. I've had many teachers and they do not do things like that. xx
Nancy M., age 11, says:
I would just be like, "You're just jealous cuz I sing better."
Anonymous, age 12, says:
What does it matter? Perhaps it's true, perhaps it's not. But if you enjoy singing, carry on, I say. Maybe they are jealous of you actually being able to sing, but if they're not lying, just ignore it! Personally I don't know if I can sing or not, but whatever the answer, I love it.
Ichigo, age 15, says:
Ignore the people in your class. They're just idiots. Have confidence in yourself. Try your best. That's all you can do. If you love singing, sing! It doesn't concern anyone else, right?
Lacherri, age 16, says:
If you believe in your heart that you can sing and this is what you like to do, continue singing. Don't worry about what others say. This is your life, remember. No one can live it for you. I hope this helps.
Elisabeth, age 12, says:
Stand up to them. Ask them (in a nice but not rude tone), "If I'm worse than you, why didn't you get the solo?"
Brianna, age 13, says:
Don't believe them. They might be wrong, you never know. All you got to do is believe in yourself, cause you're the only one who can make your dreams come true.
Lashay, age 14, says:
Stay positive. Believe in yourself. If they're really your friends, then they will support you, not make fun of you. If you don't like your singing, then you should practice more (: But I bet your singing is terrific, so just ignore them. Don't talk about singing. Settle on a different subject. You're welcome if it helped. Sorry if it didn't.
Blackeh, age 11, says:
It doesn't matter what they think! If htey don't believe in you or insult you, then they aren't really your friends! Just believe that you can succeed! If you can believe it, then you can do it.
Melissa, age 13, says:
Tell them that they just hate on you and that they are so dumb :)
Jaelene, age 14, says:
I think they are just jealous! Don't listen to them Angel. I'm sure you're a great singer. Just don't talk to them. You'll know who your real friends are soon. They just want to bring you down because they are insecure! (: good luck (: I love you Angel (:
Jess, age 11, says:
I am the same way because I'm pretty sure I'm good at singing, but if they are really your friends they wouldn't be mean. Record yourself on a phone or camera in your room and see if it sounds good.
Natasha, age 11, says:
Don't listen to them. They are wrong.
Emily, age 13, says:
You shouldn't care about what other people say. If they were your true friends, they wouldn't care how you sound.
Jemima, age 13, says:
If you do think you're bad at singing, then do something to make it better. If it's not that important, then don't. Your friends are only trying to tell you the truth (if they are), so accept their opinion.
Haley, age 11, says:
Just don't stop believing in yourself and stick to what you think about your voice. You always come first in your life.
Britt, age 11, says:
I know how you feel. My friends say I have a bad voice. But to tell you the truth, I think they lie, because every time I sing in front of a teacher they look amazed! Even if you don't have a good voice, that doesn't mean you should stop singing. Anyways, if people don't think your voice is good, still give singing another chance!
Natalie, age 13, says:
BE AWESOME. Stay in the cool zone, but don't over do it, and especially don't be mean or push around your friends. Be true to yourself and stay out of the OMG!! Zone, but in the healthy LOL Zone HAHAHA! Live life to the fullest!! :) Hope this helps !!! :)
Naomi, age 14, says:
If you can feel that you can sing, keep singing. A person will always have an opinion... whether it's good or bad. Keep your head up! (;
Corinne, age 14, says:
Talk to your friends and ask them what's up. Tell your friends that you trust the teacher's decision, and make them watch you nail your solo.
Cassie, age 15, says:
Honestly your teacher wouldn't have given you a solo if he didn't think you could do it. Obviously you sing well enough to get a solo. Good job girl! Now your friends just seem very jealous. And friends should be supporting you, not putting you down. So are they really good friends to you after all? Not really. You should just ignore their comments, believe in yourself, and do your absolute best for your solo. Blow their minds! Maybe after your solo they will know how great you really are. But really they just sound really jealous, so I would tell them that if they dont support you, that you dont need "friends" like that. Because honestly, friends wouldnt put you down like that. Do your best, and good luck! (:
Dailah, age 10, says:
Tell them they should be more supportive and nicer. If they can't change, get new friends. Speak up for yourself.
Mana, age 14, says:
It's OK. You might not be bad. It could just be that they are jealous or they don't want you to make a fool out of yourself. Just be careful.
Kaitlin, age 16, says:
Angel, I bet you can sing a lot better than they can. You need to practice as much as you can at your solo and show them how good of a singer you are, sweetie. And if they are not very supportive of you doing a solo, then they're not much of friends. They're probably just jealous anyway :)
Jessica, age 12, says:
They're probably just jealous. Trust me, the teacher wouldn't give you the solo if you couldn't sing. After you perform the solo perfectly, they'll be feeling really dumb.
Niki, age 14, says:
They're just jealous.
Sierra, age 18, says:
Most likely they're just teasing you. Friends don't say rude things to each other. If they do, they're joking. Try joking back with them. If they're hurting your feelings, try talking to them about it. If you feel like they mean it, try asking them for advice or try hanging out with some different friends for a while. Supportive friends.
Perl, age 12, says:
Meet them and tell them that they should be more encouraging and supportive. If they don't change, then change them. They're not worth your while.
Callia H., age 15, says:
I would tell them to stop hating and back up off my singing because if YOu think that you can sing, then they probably jealous :) Good luck!!! OR you can do the godly thing and just pray about it and just ask Jesus what to do... he'll give you the right answer :)
Mya, age 10, says:
You shouldn't listen to them. Ask your relatives. Also, maybe if you practice you can rock it out! Or maybe you should stop hanging out with them. Best of luck 2 you and your wonderful singing voice.
Nikki W., age 12, says:
If you like to sing, then do it. I'm not all that great of a singer, but I still enjoy it. If your "friends" really are your friends, then they wouldn't say that to you. Do what you like. Block out the other stuff.
Ally, age 12, says:
Sally, I think they are just trying to make you feel bad so they think that will make them feel better, but really they are just jealous. Forget them. You just do the best you can and stay away from them. You have better friends than that, so just stay away from those bullies! Now you go rock that solo!
Abigail, age 12, says:
Ignore it. If they can't say anything nice now, they'll be falling all over to congratulate you when you nail your solo. You just be you. Don't give up. Have fun! That's what life is all about. Good luck! P.S: Don't forget to breathe! :P